You don’t have to feel weakened weekly at work anymore. You may be trying to navigate a dysfunctional work environment alone, and without knowing what’s really going on there behind the scenes. You didn’t know that your boss’ request for only you to write up the details of the processes you use in your position was really an intentional step toward replacing you. You don’t realize that you have piers who have been spreading rumors about you to senior leaders, who then decide, in rooms you’re were not invited into, that you’re not ready for a promotion. You didn’t know that you are working for a boss who is not just overly demanding, but who is narcissistic and envious of your abilities. I coached one of my clients through that situation.

 

Just as in a bad horror movie, her hard work and conscientiousness were met with mistreatment which she didn’t know was coming. 

 

I asked her, “Does your supervisor exhibit narcissistic tendencies?”  

 

“Yes!” she replied strongly.  

 

I said to her, “Narcissists require a different strategy. Help is on the way!” 

 

After that first session, I shared with her what I call my “narcissist survivor kit” which is a growing set of online resources I’ve been collecting which will inform and help to inoculate my clients against narcissistic tactics and abuses from supervisors and/or co-workers. I coached her through implementing the information kit, with action steps tailored to her relationship with this particular boss.

 

As one example, she was concerned about what her current supervisor was thinking about her. I told her, “let’s take one criticism that the supervisor has made to you, but just one.” 

 

I then asked her, “Is it true?” 

 

She thought about it for a few seconds, then she replied, “No.” 

 

That’s the answer I wanted to hear. I wanted her to unburden herself from being under her current supervisor’s unjust criticisms. And I wanted to show her how she could de-stress in this way, by herself, methodically.

 

The 360-degree feedback report I made for her made her feel more confident as we went over the report results and I coached her on ways to use those results. 

 

“Today,” she said, “it was good to get feedback that I’m methodical and patient because part of me wants to get going from my current job.” She also said about the report, “I could have used some of this for my (new) job interview.” I assured her, “You’ll have it for future ones.”

 

With less worry on her mind, and being able to see through her boss’ behavior, she was able to focus more on the new job opportunity at a different company. She approached the new job opportunity without her previous reluctance or persistent thoughts that she didn’t deserve that job. 

 

She got the new job! 

 

When I did a check-in with her after our sessions were over, she told me that she was very happy at her new job and about the impact she was making in the community. She moved her career forward, as she wanted. And as a creative myself, my personal hope is that she will resume her creative activities as a writer. I’ll be here if she needs me for help with that, too.

 

I’ve come through toxic workplace situations in offices myself many times and I recognize the signs and what to do about them. I’ve also studied organizational dynamics formally. As your Coach, I’m in your corner and your best interests, as you see them, are my priority.